Surrender Or Give Up

Assalamualaikum...WBT

The night is gloomy, the airspace filled with a  haze
No moon nor stars
Dark and vague.. Only the street light that illuminates the road
Accompanied by the roar of engines, never lonely
I was stunned .. My thoughts are empty, floating.. far away

Ya Allah, I surrender my heart to You
I accepted all Your provisions
Whenever i go through the hardships, i will try not to give up
Please give me the strength to move forward
I will never hesitate to cherish every sweet moment in my life
Because, the moment may be temporary, but the memory is forever
Nothing will ever be the same again
Times may change, but LIFE must go on

Suddenly, what is this? Owh..?? Silent tears start spilling over my cheeks
They feel hot against my cold skin
It just bursting out..

Ahhh.. I am getting breathless..
If this thing continuously like this, my heart will turn into "asystole" (google la sndr kalo nk tau ape)
I let the tears speak when my lips can't find the proper word to describe it
No, i'm not crying.. I just washed my eyes.. I AM OKAY.. Maybe??

Onlyme

Kau Yang Terindah

Assalamualaikum...WBT


Ya Allah... Malam ni aku over excited.. Mau sepanjang malam aku tido senyum je.. (Giler ape..)
Why??? Sebab aku terserempak dengan MHN dekat Sunway Pyramid..
Aku pandang seimbas, hati aku terus berdegup laju gilerrr...
Die pulak boleh senyum sambil kecikkan mata.. (eh.. buat2 muka manja pulak) aku yang speechless, tapi sempat la balas senyuman dia..
Thank you Allah even for a short moment.. I'm so blessed. 

Kau Yang Terindah – Alyah

Ku Disini Mengalunkan Rindu Yang Resah
Aku Disini Memuja Bayangmu
setiap Detik Degup Nadiku Hanya Untukmu
Cinta Membara Jiwa Gelora

Kau Yang Terindah Didalam Hidupku
Hanya Cintamu Mekar Selamanya
Tak Inginku Lagi Mencintai Yang Lain
Kau Telah Mengikatku Selamanya

Ku Disini Menantikan Janji Yang Hilang
Aku Disini Menghitung Harapan
Setiap Detik Tiap Nafasku Ada Cintamu
Bagai Semalam Semuanya Hilang

Hey.. I miss you.. You! Yes you!! ....MHN

Onlyme

Brain Damage

Assalamualaikum...WBT

Listen ....
I need a break...
A long break possible... to stabilize and recover my brain. I think my brain is already 99.9% damaged.
I can't think straight for the past couple of weeks, and last night.. it is worse than ever
It's driving me absolutely crazy...
I am very exhausted.. I need a space to breathe..

This morning.. The first I do when i wake up is... i try to sleep again, and again, and again...

aahhhhh...
I fell, i get up..
When I fell again.. I still get up..
.
.
.
.
.
.
To be honest.. It is countless... I fell again and again.. It makes me wiser and strong enough.
I convince myself that I was ok (I was in fact not ok)...


Onlyme

Mak.. Cepat sembuh ye..

Assalamualaikum...WBT

5 Sept 2015 @ 20:45hour
Alhamdulillah.. baru selesai isya'. Telekung masih elok belum aku tanggalkan.. Tiba-tiba.. terdetik rasa rindu sangat-sangat dekat mak and ayah. When was the last time i call them, last week ke? Rasa lama sangat pulak tak call diorang.. 
Mungkin mak n ayah baru nak makan malam sekarang ni. Sekejap lagi la nak call. Happy rasa hati.. 

21:10hour
Capai henfon and cecepat dail no ayah. Assalamualaikum ayah.. (suara aku excited) Ayah mak sihat? Tapi, suara ayah seperti agak cemas. Ayah dekat Hospital Kluang ni oteh.. 
(Apakah???) ??? Ayah dengan mak baru sampai dekat kecemasan.
Apa?? Kenape? Sapa masuk hospital? Bertalu soalan aku ajukan pada ayah. 
Mak.. mak masuk hospital?? Sakit mak datang lagi... Nasib baik Ngah ada kt rumah.. Kalau tak, tak tau ape jadi kat mak.. Tapi oteh jangan risau, tadi masa dalam ambulance, mak nampak dah elok sikit.. Ayah cube mententeramkan aku..
(Hati aku sayu.. Rindunye kat mak.. Dalam hati aku bermohon semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan mereka.. Sembuhkanlah ibuku Ya Allah.. Sayu and sedih sangat rasa..)
Oteh, ayah nak pegi buat registration, nurse panggil. Ayah pesan lagi, jangan risau-risau, InsyaAllah takde ape-ape.. Doakan mak baik ye.. (aku speechless, talian dimatikan...)

23:23hour
Aku whatsapp Ngah. Macam mana Ngah? Mak kena warded or boleh balik? Ngah kata, still waiting blood result, once the result out, doctor will decide whether to admit or not lah.. Hati aku resah selagi tak tau keputusan.

00:01hour
Ngah whatsapp bagi tau, mak kena warded for observation.
Aku makin sayu.. dahla jauh.. kalau dekat, aku nak accompany mak dekat hospital. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan ibuku dan sembuhkanlah dia..

6 Sept 2015 @ 09:20hour
Aku capai henfon and terus dail no mak. Assalamualaikum mak.. Mak macam mana harini? Doctor cakap ape? Dah boleh balik ke belum? Soalan demi soalan aku lontar pada mak.. 
Mak kata mak ok.. Cume malam tadi ada rasa bergetar kuat dekat jantung 2 kali.. (hati aku risau)
Mak smbg lagi.. doctor belum datang pagi ni. Mak rasa elok sikit.. 
(Mak, oteh rindu la kat mak.. )
Pesanan terakhir aku, mak.. jaga diri ye mak.. (air mata aku bergenang, aku tahan sebak tak nak bagi mak dengar) Bila mak jawab, iye, terima kasih oteh, and mak matikan henfon. (Air mata yang aku tahan, menitis jugak. rindu sangat)
Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan mereka. Amin....


Onlyme

Scandal... Oppss!!

Assalamualaikum ... WBT

Today nak story mori tentang satu isu... Scandal...
Scandal or secret lover or part time lover ataupun lebih senang nak faham maknanya dalam bahasa melayu ialah "kekasih gelap". Apa ada dengan scandal? Kenapa mesti nak ada scandal? Nowadays, it's very difficult to say.. Scandal ni lebih kepada seseorang yang sudah jadi milik orang, tetapi dalam masa yang sama menjalin hubungan cinta bersama orang lain. When you talk about scandal, sound somewhat harsh and wow!! But when you call a "kekasih gelap", it is sound soft and nicer.. Don't you think so?? Hahahhaaa (gilerr.. maknanya sama je  anyway)

So, whether it is wrong or not, YOU, ask YOURSELF.. As for me, i have my own answer.. Well, you don't have to judge others, coz you don't even know what is really happening behind the wall. You also didn't know what is your future like...

Well, let me straight to the point..
Last week, my friend throw me an unexpected question. Kau Ghase...
I didn't expect he will ask me such question... I am surprised! At first, i thought that he was joking and teasing me... So, i just ignored him..
The intro is pretty decent which i didn't suspect anything. I don't remember when was the first time we met, but yes, we did met once before.. he is still single at that time. Other than that we only communicate thru messenger.. I am comfortable to have a conversation with him.. All this while, we only just say, hi, how are you, how you've been doing and etc etc..
Until last week suddenly he shoot me with a silly question.. Tak tergamak nak mention in here.. WTH he was thinking at that time.. But i keep on listening to every single words that comes out from him.  (hahaahaa)

In other words, he wants to scandal with me... I told him to become my bff but he refused. He wants to be my scandal. (This is sounds funny and crazy at the same time, coz i heard this from someone else, what a coincidence.. hahhahaa) But, my mind told me that, he just want to teasing me.. Whatever..  

Until.. he confess to me about something.. he said that he attracted to me since the first time he saw my BBM pic and he wish to get closer to me last time. Yes, last time.. a few years back.. (ayat yang biasa aku dengar dari dulu sampai sekarang)

I noticed that, we are getting closer thru a messenger.. When his name pop up on my phone.. spontaneously, i will grin.. coz i feel funny.. i wish he would give up.. but its not like i'm expecting... Maybe too early, But.. i hope he will get bored very soon.. 
But hey..when i say that we're getting closer, its not what you were thinking.. (no, no, no)
I mean, I'm getting more comfortable to share my story with him.. at the moment.. I hope he can keep his promise.. to keep it safe. Sshhhh

And i really love his word " If you are meant for me, I will never miss the opportunity. But if I miss the opportunity, you will never meant for me." I will keep this word somehow..

Onlyme   

Wake Me Up When September End

Assalamualaikum...WBT

Goodbye August... Welcome September...
Welcome to my territory... September is my lucky month..
Why??
Because i was born in September 26... Furthermore, i am sharing my birth date with my precious Ayah, Tuan Hj Md Yusoff Bin Ariffin. This year we are going to celebrate our birthday, again, together... (so sad.. it's been a few years i didn't celebrate my birthday with him, sorry Ayah -_- ).

Actually, we're (siblings) plan to have a big celebration for Ayah. This year Ayah turn 80. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for giving me another year to treasure with my parents... I miss you both, Mak & Ayah. Till we meet again this AidilAdha, InsyaAllah..
Please be healthy and stay strong.. (mood: sedih + gembira = tak sabaaa nak jumpa mereka)

And for myself..
I hope i will always be strong.. No matter what.
I know I am being tested by Him...
May Allah give me patience and always persevere in taking all the test.
But how long should i endure everything by myself, ignoring my thought, ignoring my feeling, ignoring everything.. Till when???
Yes, people always said that, Allah has a better plan for His servants. Yes, Allah has a greater plan for me than i have for myself.
It's quite sometime though.. I am still here.. yes.. here.
I will keep my Prayer and Du'a.. May Allah ease EVERYTHING..
I can't hide my tears whenever i think about myself. The pain in my heart is still the same. I don't wish to be everything to everyone. But i would like to be something to someone...

I am me.. and nothing more...

Onlyme